do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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