Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize