they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
We are two peas in an std pod
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
