Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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