My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
