Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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