ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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