oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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