'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
