she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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