too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
