My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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