Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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