yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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