Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize