someone get that fucking seahorse.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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