just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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