Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Randomize
