my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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