you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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