some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
