She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
