If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
