Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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