Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
