Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
