??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
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