wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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