Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
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