She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Randomize
