I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Randomize
