dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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