You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
