I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
