I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
