Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
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