he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize