yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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