The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
