I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
