The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
