so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
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