did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
