Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Randomize
