hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I've blown a few things in my day
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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