smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
operation have a gay friend backfired
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
What drink are we having for lunch?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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