yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
He uses pillows to masturbate.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
