She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
