Dual....:-)
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Randomize
