He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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