You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Randomize
