You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
