after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
This house was built for laser tag.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Randomize
