I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
