I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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