If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
he was CRYING into my vagina
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
There's even glitter on my cock...
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