I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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