Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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