im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
my vag is so smooth its legendary
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
