I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I hate all girls vehemently.
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
