the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
