I want to make a zoo with you.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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