cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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