I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize