i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
3 2 1 whiskey
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
