how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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