I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
