We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
