Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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